Dark night of the soul — why I feel grateful for the hard lessons and how you can do it too

The energy is becoming quite intense in the past weeks. Looking at the situation from the physical reality, there’s a virus traveling around the globe, the deeply buried ugly truths are coming to the surface so it seems like’s there’s a shit-storm all around us and then there is this internal struggle for sanity in the midst of it all. In laymen terms — seems like we are living a hell on Earth…

It only seems so… Let’s break those three situations from another perspective. The truth is, that the virus is a blessing that forces us to stop and reevaluate our priorities, look at the sustainability of our actions towards our physical, mental and spiritual health and also towards the planet. The nasty actions of those in power are being revealed publicly and while it seems like the world is going nuts, it only means that what was happening for this whole time is now brought to the surface for clearing. And the internal struggle for sanity? Well, we are suddenly facing ourselves for who we are — both the light and the shadow selves are coming up for a review. Yes, digging in our wounds can be quite intense but once we sort through it, it is gone and we come out of it stronger than ever before. The wounds are the cracks through which the light can shine.

I saw this lovely meme and had to laugh at its accuracy. Just for those who don’t know, I’ll borrow the words of Eckhart Tolle to explain the dark night of the soul.

"It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything. Sometimes it’s triggered by some external event, some disaster perhaps, on an external level. The death of someone close to you could trigger it, especially premature death, for example if your child dies. Or you had built up your life, and given it meaning — and the meaning that you had given your life, your activities, your achievements, where you are going, what is considered important, and the meaning that you had given your life for some reason collapses."

2020 is like a collective dark night of the soul. And when it actually started for the humanity, I got to feel immensely deep gratitude and love for life. I felt like I am floating. I went through such crazy hells that now it feels like a walk through the Garden of Eden during a cloudy night. It is dark but so beautiful still! For most of 2020, I feel high on life unlike most of the people.

Meet my darkness

I feel very fortunate for feeling untouched by this collective fear and darkness. Yes, there are some shadows popping up but my consciousness is not affected by them so much. Having embraced quite some soup of darkness, all within more or less 2 years (from 2 burnouts, through black magic and rape, thoughts of suicide until the fact that my family broke apart as my father decided to become a woman or me becoming absolutely broke) I actually developed my spiritual muscles for dealing with the nasty stuff.

I was a happy-go-lucky girl living an ordinary life in the matrix. Something didn’t feel right for me though so I embarked on the journey of finding the ultimate truth and meaning of my life. I started digging in my traumas and their effects on my life in terms of toxic patterns and behaviors. The deep search for the root causes brought quite some turmoil in me. I actually got to see how my past actions created the environment for those traumas to appear. I saw clearly how my patterns brought karmic debt that I had to pay for. And the more I looked away from the learnings, the harder lessons the universe put in front of me.

Memories from childhood popped up and I started to see clearly what shaped me and how my personality is actually very different from who I am at my core. I got to see how my parents’ unresolved traumas affected me as a child and hence my whole adult life. So I cleared, cried a lot, screamed, felt frustrated and desperate. Fortunately I allowed myself to do so. To face my darkness, my shadows, my ugly truths. To accept that these too are a part of me.

This feeling of acceptance for who I am in my wholeness is the ultimate liberation. If I don’t accept the fact that I am XY, how can I release it? By accepting the darkness as an integral part of me I actually do the first step on the path of removing it from my life. Also, allowing myself to feel the darkness, the unpleasant emotions and cry/scream/work it all out was another key to liberation from the suffering. Stopping or overlooking the ugly reality would only make it decay inside and that’s not helping me to achieve my highest potential. I embraced this journey into the abyss of hell voluntarily because deep down I felt that by facing the traumas I can finally become free. And truly happy. Because even in my “happy times” I was not entirely in control of my emotions and my existence in general. I felt lost. And now? Now I feel content. I am waking up happy again, my thoughts are mostly positive and I feel that I regained my balance on the wave of life.

This whole rant about my deep dark moments actually has a purpose

No matter what you’re going through, this too shall pass. By dealing with all the darkness that’s been hidden from your sight for so long you are actually doing so much good for yourself. Firstly, you are allowing yourself to see the side of you that you pushed away and hence accept it, feel through it and release it so it is no longer your uninvited company in your day-to-day life in forms of patterns or behaviors. Secondly, you’re developing your spiritual muscles for when another traumatic event happens, it won’t be a tsunami but merely a tiny wave. The more you face your darkness, the easier it will become to deal with it in the future. And lastly, you’re cracking open your dark shell so the light can enter. Let me elaborate on that…

In the times of the greatest darkness, the lowest point of my existence I usually found the greatest strength and the best ideas to redirect my life towards my heart’s desires. The times when I literally lost my mind, I found the voice of my heart. In those happy times I was going with the flow like a butterfly, going from a flower to flower but without a direction that would fulfill me. In the times of darkness though, I anchored the direction that brought me closer to myself so I would become a butterfly that knows where the destination lies. I had the most profound epiphanies in the times when I had to gather the last bits and pieces of my energy to actually survive.

Looking back, I regret labeling the dark night of the soul as a bad experience. I feel deep gratitude for those moments as those were the ones that shaped the parts of me that I love the most about myself. The dark night of the soul is actually the time when I learned to love and accept myself for who I am. Something I didn’t quite know until then. I cherish the intense experiences because they taught me more about myself, life and my part in the world than any happy moment could.

The darkness is truly dark. It is an unpleasant place to be in. That’s why most people look for distractions outside just not to look inside. 2020 has forced us to look in the mirror and see ourselves for the entirety of who we truly are. Working through that step by step is a process that is worth undertaking. It is the best time to sit down with yourself and liberate yourself from all the layers of who you are not so you can become who you truly are.

It’s a scorpio season. The time of death and rebirth. The time of digging superdeep inside. It feels like a cherry on the top of that 2020 cake. I invite you to embrace the darkness and practice gratitude for these times. Gratitude is the key to regain stability. Celebrate the things that are popping up for review. Alchemize each and every dark moment into something to be grateful for. The more you practice this, the easier and faster it will be to get out of your dark night of the soul.

This dark night of the soul is actually detoxing the Hell within us so we can enjoy and embrace the Heaven that is waiting for us. Heaven is a state of mind and we are SO CLOSE to being there! Just hold tight, do one step at a time and one day you'll be grateful for going through this ❤

There are a few things that assisted me on my journey that you can try out in the dark times:

1. Hydrate: drink plenty of water. A lot. Excessive amounts. Water is what allows us to release the toxins. Stress, frustration, depression… it all creates toxins and you gotta get rid of that. And also, check out the science behind water — it holds memory. Look up any video from Masaru Emoto to awaken to the power of water. I invite you to bless the water before you drink it to change it’s structure. The more structured your water is, the better effect it has on your body.
2. Be grateful: List 5 new things every day that you are grateful for. Write it down on paper. Or enumerate the good things that happened that day. It rewires your brain to think positively.
3. Clean diet: shit in- shit out. There is a lot of toxins in the air we breathe, the water we drink, the food we eat. Yes, our body is capable of detoxing it, but with the current consumption of unhealthy stuff the digestion gets overwhelmed. Support your cleansing process by slowly introducing fresh organic produce to your diet. Eat your veggies. Enjoy fresh fruit. Limit processed foods.
4. Exercise: strengthening the body = strengthening the will. That’s something that is necessary for us to get out of depression. If you cannot motivate yourself to exercise, create a pact with your friend and hold each other accountable. Yoga is also another great tool to get in touch with your body. I highly recommend Yin Yoga. It is mostly unpleasant, passive (so good for lazy people), and forces you to be in the present moment and find release in the discomfort.
5. Get some fresh air: dedicate at least 30 minutes of your day time to go out for a walk. Without your phone. Observe the trees, listen to the sounds of nature.
6. Learn to breathe: as you’re reading this, stop and observe your breath. Are you breathing deep or shallow? Is it calm or erratic? I invite you to become aware of your breath. Set random reminders on your phone to check your breathing patterns. The calmer your breath is, the calmer your mind is. Another thing to try is to look up Pranayama exercises that will teach you how to control your emotions solely through your breath
7. Meditate: I cannot stress this enough. Meditation is the time when you take a minute, two or ten to recenter. To get out of the craziness and into the calmness of your existence. Just sit or lay down comfortably and for a short time listen to the sounds in the room, outside the room, your heartbeat and your breath. Breathe in deeply and breathe out completely through your mouth. Then scan your body, just observe where you hold tension. Relax. There are plenty of guided meditations that can help you to recenter, to ground, to cultivate love, to achieve whatever you feel that you need. Just open youtube and find something that fits you.
8. Stop watching the news: TV is the worst virus of them all. Realize that media get money by creating something that gets them attention. Media is a business and the product is people’s attention. Unfortunately, people ate more attentive to lies than to truths so the media feed you lies. By following whatever implants they want you to believe, you are giving your precious life force away. Take it back. Use this energy to heal yourself. Or to embrace whatever passion you have. Don’t give it away, it is precious, guard it safely.
9. Embrace the inner artist: play some good music, get a coloring book and pencils and just express yourself. It is not for the effect, it is for the process. Getting lost in the artistic pursuit allows you for an easy meeting with your thoughts and also fills you up with energy. If not coloring, then choose what you like. Drawing, creating music, sculpting, origami, macrame, puzzles,… Just create something out of nothing. It’s a wonderful doctor.
10. Laugh: laughter is the best doctor. What makes you laugh? With whom do you like laughing? Go for it!
11. Journal: journalling allows you to bring greater awareness into your thoughts and patterns. At some point you no longer write from your mind but from your heart and you’ll be surprised at what comes up. It’s cheaper than therapy😉
12. Ditch social media: it barely ever motivates you to do better. It creates the environment for comparison and let’s face it — we tend to share our happy moments. It creates a distorted image of reality that we naturally can’t compare to. Use the time lost on socials to do something that actually uplifts you. Read a good book, go to the forrest, try something new…
13. Cacao: it’s the only plant medicine that I am using right now. I used to smoke weed but I got to realize that it is just another escape. Other plant medicines are also derailing me from the connection to my core. Another form of intelligence that overtakes my own divine intelligence. Ceremonial grade cacao is actually helping me to recenter. It is a cardio stimulant and allows me to get in touch with my heart’s desires. I loved this medicine so much that I organised cacao ceremonies and people loved it. Try it for yourself! Don’t know where to start? Look for 100% organic cacao paste from Criollo beans produced ina traditional way. I really loved working with Lava Love or Keith’s Cacao.
14. Did I mention Hydrate? :)

What are your ways of dealing with darkness? Let’s become each other’s lighthouse for the lost souls. Let’s lose the masks of always being okay. Let’s make not being okay acceptable. And let’s show others how to overcome those times. Life’s a wave, one moment you’re up, another you’re down. It all has its reason so don’t fight it. Embrace it. Learn from it. And stand up again❤️

If this article helped you in any way, feel free to share for those who might find it helpful. And if you feel the call to reach out, find me on Instagram as @thesimona . Sending you all a hug and leaving you with the words “you got this!” — because you do :)

Source: Unsplash — by Stephan H.