It's time to claim your power back — even from the stories you tell yourself

Being a victim is easy. You are the good character in the story and the others are the villains, the environment is conspiring against you and you’re just existing here while things happen TO you. We all victimize ourselves throughout our life, although some more than others. And then there are those who live in constant victimhood… I bet you cannot stay around that person for long because those people drain energy from everything that surrounds them, as they cannot self-source their own power. That’s what a victim is, looking for source of their power elsewhere, ending up powerless.

It is time to claim our power back and take radical responsibility for whatever is happening in our life.

I believe that I’ve done a pretty good job transcending beyond the typical victimhood. Psychologists call it external locus of control. This is when the environment is responsible for all the events in one’s life. If something challenging happens, they can blame the outside forces for the circumstances we ended up in. Or they feel hopeless and powerless in the face of difficult situations because they don’t believe that we can change the situation through their own efforts. On the other side of the same token, if something really good happens in their life, we often credit luck or chance for any successes because it was “not them” doing this. Whatever life throws at them, they are a victim of it.

The opposite is the internal locus of control, the personality type that are more likely to take responsibility for their actions. Those are the badasses who make their life happen because they know that all the success or failure is ultimately their own doing. The only person they can rely on is themselves so if they want to be healthy, they eat nice food, exercise, and pursue healthy habits. If they want to be happy, they do things that bring them joy. If they want to be successful, they work towards achieving just that. And in case there is failure involved, they stand up, dust off and learn from it not to fail at the same thing ever again.

There’s an innate sense of power that those people hold and I believe that ALL humans are capable of having internal locus of control, of being the creators of their own life. It is just a matter of setting the mind right and putting will into claiming your power back. Just ask yourself:

1. How have you created this life for yourself?
2. What do you want your life look like?
3. What is the first step to get there, using the resources you have available right now?
4. Rinse and repeat ;)

A deeper layer of victim mindset — understanding how we use the stories of our past to victimize ourselves

Now that I elaborated on the basis of my thinking and also mentioned that I’ve done a pretty good job at having internal locus of control, it’s time to break my own bubble. Yes, I am able to claim my power from the circumstances in my life because I understand that if a part of me did not resonate with that particular situation, I would not have that experience. From a very high perspective, we are all one consciousness, one field of energy and the denser we go, the more individualized the experience gets. It is all a result of our thoughts, frequency, behaviors and choices we have had. So even the toughest lessons were my doing — maybe not the human self but definitely either my soul or oversoul created this for my evolution.

The bubble-breaking aspect is that the victimhood comes in layers. The physical layer is easy — it is what we call reality and how it shows up in the world in the present moment. The big a-ha moment was when I realized that I am still using my stories of the past to victimize myself. “I have this trauma, that happened, this is what shaped me… Wait, why am I still allowing my past to shape my reality in the present moment?”

Telling ourselves stories about the traumatic events in our life just keeps us in the passive victim mode that blocks us from acknowledging the limitation it creates. Yes, it takes courage and a lot of inner work and healing to finally be able to let go of the story without bypassing it, but the only way out of that limitation is through doing just that. Not ignoring it, not denying it. Working through it and actively choosing to rise above the story that you use as an excuse not to be responsible for your life. You can choose to distill the lesson and move on. You can choose to take steps that will put you in the active role of your life. Because in the end, it is our choice to either make our life happen or be dragged through life.

There is a small catch with overcoming the victimization by our past

The thing is — we live in physical bodies and they are governed by the laws of nature. By thinking the self-limiting thought or remembering the trauma, we are reliving the emotions associated with them. Emotion is nothing else but an energy in motion, a chemical reaction in our biological system. So anytime you feel something, it is just sensations to which we adhere meaning based on the biochemical response of our physical body. And as with any other chemical, it gets stored. Fascias hold the memory of our past emotional reactions and the more we feel a certain thing, the more wired our cells get to responding the same way as they did before.

Due to biology, we live in the ever-repetitive past. Circling back to trauma — the more we think about it, the more we live it, the more we prime our system to keep the trauma intact. And the longer we relive it, the more inherent part of our personality it becomes. In short, we become addicted to our traumatized self. Once you see through it and want to release the trauma, you’ll most likely go through physical symptoms of withdrawals, like with any other chemical we get addicted to. It takes conscious effort and determined mindset to be stronger than the body which wants to stay traumatized because it is easier to stay that way, it is easier to keep the neural pathways fire the same signals all over again. That is why it is a bit tricky not to be victimized by our past stories but once you’re aware of this pattern, you can see through it and apply your commitment to stay in control of your life.

Overcoming limitations is in our hands, though

Every moment is new, every second of our waking life creates an opportunity for rebirth and transformation. We no longer need to use the stories of our past to put us in the external locus of control. We cannot change the past but we can change the way we look at it and the way we interpret the lessons. Or even better, we can transcend beyond all the stories and just embrace child-like curiosity in the present moment. It will create a different conversation in our mind: “Who am I today? How would the ideal version of me think, act and feel in this situation? Who do I want to be tomorrow? What can I do to be closer to where I want to be?”. Once you get the answers in the present moment, act upon it! Do not allow your past to put you in victimhood.

All that the past is useful for is to get us to this present moment. Life happens NOW. And now you can choose to rise above the stories that got you where you are right now.

Take a deep breath, tune into your center, claim your power back from the external world AND from your past self, and act upon the version of you that you want to create. In the end, you came here to enjoy life to its fullest and all the shit that’s happening is just enabling you to grow out of your limitations. Life is a playground for exploring your potential so come and play.

Play in the now by being radically responsible for your experience and watch your life improve at quantum speed ❤