What seems a radical career pivot is just a return to the truth of who I am
Here’s a story about why and how I shifted from being a marketer to being a Holistic and Spiritual Coach. It’s a vulnerable share in which you might find parallels with your deeper truth. It’s a longer read but give it a chance and bear with me till the end to see how “radical pivot” is really just a natural unfolding of one’s true identity. My wish is to let this article inspire you to go within and find your own truth of what career or job sparks your soul on fire. To empower you to make a change in case your job does not fulfill you. It’s time to lose the mask and let your authentic Self shine forth. If you love your job, this article might not be for you, but who knows? Maybe you’ll find some golden nuggets too…
Recently, my client brought to my awareness the fact that I totally pivoted my career and it hit me just then. Was I blind to the fact that I, indeed, did that? Somewhat… From the internal experience of the past years, I have transitioned slowly and naturally to what felt right for me. From the external point of view, it might seem like a 180' turnaround. Let’s paint the whole picture by sharing my perspective and learnings from this switch.
Life is all about drawing big fat lines and then starting all over again when we figure out that what used to be is no longer working. That’s also the story of my seemingly radical career pivot.
The wrong turn
From my early childhood, I was guided towards the energy work by my grandpa who had a deep knowing of things that he had nowhere to know from. He pushed me to look beyond the physical world and work on my innermost experience. I also spent hours with my nose buried in books about human nature, psychology, what drives us, and all things mystical, spiritual, and supernatural. Egyptian, Greek, Aztec, and all other mythology, stories between Heaven and Earth, the mysteries and unanswered questions… Did I talk about it openly? Not much…
Then adolescence came and with it codependency patterns, wanting to be cool, liked, and praised for my achievements rather than for the “invisible” work. That derailed me from who I truly was because I was putting a mask on. I chose the university major based on the rationalization of my knowledge instead of on the calling of my heart. Marketing seemed a viable option, it built upon the body of psychology knowledge that I enjoyed studying and provided career growth opportunities.
I was good at what I was doing but... There was a but….
It was a job that was chosen from the space of the codependent mask I created because what felt right for me would be frowned upon by people whose opinions I valued. And also, I believed that there is only a handful of jobs in Egyptology or similar fields dealing with uncovering mysteries of life. The more I tried to fit into the box created by the societal pressure in cooperation with my insecure mind, the further away I was from the deeper Truth of who I am, and the more miserable I felt.
Eventually, I forced myself to work because I mistakenly considered the achievements for fulfillment and I thought that I am just not working hard enough if I don’t feel content… As a result, the achievements meant less and less for me and my body started showing signs of burnout. I remember asking myself amidst the meetings — “what am I even doing?”
Then came the burnout
It was a hard pill to swallow for my ego that I, the high performer, could burn out. But if I wanted to spare my sanity and physical health, I had to quit what I was doing and reflect on what was wrong.
What was wrong was my desire to source inner feelings of happiness and fulfillment from external situations. I fell into the trap of “I’ll be happy when…”… And guess what? I was never truly happy, rather the opposite. Behind the smiley face was a feeling of being lost, misunderstood, mistreated, and just miserable. I was good in denying this even to myself and I became a victim of my own torturous thoughts. None of the motivational books worked anymore because the more I tried to fix the current trajectory, the more I derailed from my authentic path.
It took a full-blown burnout when my body gave up to wake me up to the fact that I needed to change something. So I took a gap year, got lost in Asia, and found reminders of what makes me happy.
The way out of misery is to do a big internal cleaning
How I was the workaholic within my marketing and management career, I became the inner workaholic. Diving deeper and deeper into my nature, my patterns, my behaviors, my belief systems, misalignments, and saw how it all ties to the age-old pain I carried in my soul. It became a healing journey where I cleared all the lies and sealed all the wounds that were extremely deep in my subconscious.
What many people don’t know is that our subconscious drives 95% of our decisions. The conscious, analytical mind then creates reasoning and we believe that it was purely a rational decision. No, the physical body likes efficiency, and the same neural pathways are activated in similar situations. That’s why we are acting from the place of old coping mechanisms and the odds are, that we created those patterns when we were just children and didn’t know any better. That’s where overreactions come from — it triggers something deep inside of us. Or where shutting down comes, that’s another coping mechanism carried on from childhood conditioning. This all makes us children stuck in our adult bodies. Only until you recognize those aspects, heal them, and teach the inner child the right way of responding to life, you’ll be a prey of the subconscious driving your thoughts and actions.
So the tools of inner work, and spiritual work, is all about expanding your awareness to the unseen parts of yourself (your subconscious) and then clearing it one layer after another. Facing your shadows, dismantling delusions, and reclaiming your power back from your programs and habits. When you do so, you can plant new, healthy, constructive and empowering habits and programs that will feel more aligned to the truth at your core.
That’s what I was doing during my healing journey. I cleared such deep parts of my psyche that what stayed in the end was a blank canvas and with that a whole new level of “what am I even doing?”. This time I was at least happy and blissed out just like that, but clueless nevertheless.
Use your past to build your future
You know, when you’re putting on the mask for way too long and then lose it, then there is no identity and you have to create it all over again. I knew that I loved the inner work because it pulled me into a flow state and it helped other people along the way. I used all the skills, knowledge and later on also certifications from my burnout recovery journey to help others become less miserable too. It brought light into my life and also into the life of others.
First I was guiding others only as a past-time activity... I came back from my gap year and went back to working on the things that I knew how to monetize — marketing. This time I knew that it is not my calling but it put food on my table till I gained the experience and confidence in guiding others in exchange for money. Just this thought alone that I know why I am doing the job I am doing, kept me aligned. I felt safe in having a job while exploring what modalities of inner work guidance fit me the best without the economic pressure.
During the day I was a marketer/project manager, and during weekends and evenings, I was a facilitator of holistic experiences. I organized cacao ceremonies, women's circles, taught meditation and breathwork classes and mentored those who came to me for advice. I kept deepening my knowledge in different modalities of self-healing and also took some certification courses to provide better services.
At one point, this set up was not good enough, I was pushed by my intuiton to take a leap of faith and promote my past-time activity into an actual job. So I did that and am swimming since then. It’s not always easy and like building any business, the beginnings are about learning, optimising, and bootstrapping just to survive. But it is also fulfilling like nothing else I’ve experienced.
Jumping off the cliff is… liberating
It does get tough at times but when it does, the work I put in does not feel as burdensome as it did when I was working in the career that was built on the foundations of the wounded Self. The current path is standing on the empowered version of myself, always having the higher purpose behind all the hours, blood, sweat and tears in the back of my mind. Even the challenges feel exciting and fulfilling!
Now you see how the radical pivot was not radical at all. I took slow deliberate steps towards figuring out who I am, what makes me happy, and how to turn it into a vocation and calling. I returned to my innocence — to doing what I loved doing in my childhood when I was unbothered by social conditioning or pressure of how and what I “should” be doing. I returned to the truth of what makes me me and found a way to make it valuable for others. Since forever I loved expanding my consciousness, demystifying the mystical, uncovering deeper truths, and now it’s my job.
When you share the best of yourself and it adds value to other people’s lives, that’s your purpose, your vocation, your ikigai. That’s the fuel for your growth and self-sourced fulfillment. You’re doing it for you and the fact that others enjoy it along the way is just a bonus. When you base your actions on love (doing things from the heart) instead of on fear (doing it because of fear of being judged, or fear of not having money to buy the necessities), that’s when the miracles start happening and your work will charge you.
And that’s my conclusion… Doing things to please others, to fit into a box that society created, to just make a living, … will always drain you. If you won’t have the right counterbalancing activities for this, burnout is on the cards.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, doing things that bring you joy and feel effortless for you while solving other people’s problems along the way will charge you with energy. And yes, money is a form of energy too. There is a way to turn your passion into a job in a way it feels effortless and brings abundance to your life. It just requires proper research and taking calculated steps.
How to know whether you're on the right path?
If you feel drained, that’s your sign to look at your work and ask yourself: ”Am I doing it out of love or out of fear?”. Be radically honest with yourself…
If it’s the former, just add some extra time off or counterbalancing activities such as optimizing your sleep, taking some time off to recharge, spending more time with friends, improving your nutrition or exercise routine, and you’re good to go. You’re drained just because you need a tiny bit of rest and inspiration for the next steps.
If it’s the latter, then it’s time to dismantle all the illusions of who you are and find your true North. Do a deep inquiry with shadow work and inner child work to uncover your true essence. It might take time and will probably require teachers and guides along the way. Buy a new journal (the best self-discovery tool there is) and listen to your intuition when choosing a framework or teacher to work with. There’s an enormous amount of directions you can go and there is no one right way to take the journey. Just do what feels right in that moment and deliberately work on what you feel called to work on. One step at a time, becoming closer and closer to your inner source of happiness and fulfillment.
Honor your journey and keep moving forward in faith
Looking back, am I regretting taking the marketing and management career path? No. It was an essential part of my journey which experience I’m building upon now. Nothing pursued is ever wasted if you know how to distill the learnings and apply them on the journey ahead. Would I change the form of it, at least? Also no, If I did, I probably wouldn’t be where I am right now. The hardships are what make us grow, they are the fuel to the fire that sparks within. The challenges are the pointers to what really matters to you. Love your dark times and use them to bring more light into your life.
It’s always the darkest before dawn… If you feel purposeless and lost, it’s a good sign that you are at the beginning of a new path. It’s time to draw that big fat line and start creating the version of you that’s clear on your purpose. You can figure it out sooner or later, the important thing is just to start. Go inward, explore who you truly are, and build a thriving life for yourself. You’ve got this ❤️
